


We Don't Talk About It (James POV)

by novagray



Category: Cow Chop
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-08
Updated: 2017-09-08
Packaged: 2018-12-25 10:23:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12033927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/novagray/pseuds/novagray
Summary: Partner to 'We Don't Talk About It", please read that one first if you haven't!





	We Don't Talk About It (James POV)

**Author's Note:**

> the wonderful honeynico brought the idea up of James POV. thank you!!

If James was asked to pinpoint when his feelings for Aleks had changed, he honestly would have no clue. From the moment Aleks entered his life, the two had just clicked in a way that James really hadn't before with someone else. Aleks had been the first person in James life that he could spend practically every waking moment with and. It get sick of them entirely. That stupid boy made him laugh harder than anyone else and he was always down to be an accomplice for one of James' ridiculous ideas. But to fall in love? It hadn't been right away, that was for sure. James didn't even know he had been into guys until those dreams of Aleks became way too frequent for his liking. A lingering touch here, a teasing smooch there and now James was stuck. Hopelessly in love with his idiot of a best friend. 

Thinking about it, he wasn't sure what gave him that push to take the plunge and go to Aleks' apartment once they moved to Los Angeles. Maybe it was the fact that they were away from anything familiar now and James had nothing to really hold him back. Maybe it was the pressure of moving to LA, wondering if it was the best decision for everyone, trying to keep his channel surviving... it had been a stressful time to say the least. He didn't think about it though. Thinking about it made everything way too real and James couldn't do that. James couldn't make it be anything more than it was. 

James remembered the look on Aleks' face the first time he showed up unannounced. No words were spoken as he pushed Aleks against the front door of his apartment and slipped down to his knees. James would never forget how fast his own heart was beating, scared of Aleks pushing him away or wanting an explanation. But neither of those came up and he left as soon as Aleks finished. Left Aleks to put his dick back in his pants. That second time though, that second time was so much better. James could remember how it felt to have Aleks tug at his hair and take control. James liked that. He didn't have to think, he could just be and let Aleks do whatever he needed. 

When memories of the first time they slept together would creep up, James had to laugh at least a little. It had been so fucking awkward and absolutely nothing how he imagined. They didn't know where their hands went and Aleks had finished so quickly that night. The week later though when James came over again, fuck. That was something. It was like Aleks was determined to make up for the week before though James would never ask for something like that. Feeling Aleks lavish him in attention almost made James believe this was real. That he and Aleks were a couple and they were so in love that nothing could touch them. That night, Aleks made him feel something no one else ever had. He had felt so good about himself but just as soon as they started, they were done. And James was alone. 

That was enough to throw James off for a while. He was falling deeper in love with Aleks and it felt like he was freefalling without a parachute. Nothing would stop him until he crashed. The entire week went by so slowly, both craving one another but neither being able to say anything. James caught every look Aleks shot his way, he tried his hardest to ignore them. The longing, the confusion, the anticipation. James had to get over Aleks. This had to be finished. But Saturday eventually rolled around and dammit, James had fucking missed that man. James missed the way Aleks looked at him and how the other felt touching his skin. Even if they only spent an hour together, it was an hour he got to pretend he was Aleks' and Aleks was his. Maybe that was why he craved it so much. Because he could pretend that everything he wanted was real, even just for an hour. He could pretend he was the center of Aleks' world. 

Looking back, that night was one of his favorites. The way their bodies moved together and the way they grabbed one another, just needing to feel the other. The way that Aleks slammed inside of him and made James feel so fucking alive. Was that disappointment James saw in Aleks' eyes when he pulled away? But those eyes that held so much emotion, they lit up when James crawled up into his lap. James needed to stop getting carried away. They got off together and that was the end of it. Did Aleks just call him beautiful? Hisnchest had tightened to the point he wasn't sure if he was dying or if he was in love. What was the difference anyways? He ignored it, let Aleks believe he hadn't been heard and just rode him harder until they both came undone. 

James remembered how he felt leaving Aleks' apartment that night. Empty and so fucking mad for letting himself do this again. It didn't matter though, he knew he'd be back next week. He'd always be back. Was... was Aleks coming after him? Fuck, they were done. Aleks was ending it, James just knew it. He tried to brace himself but when he heard the softest whisper telling him to stay, James felt his knees buckle. He'd ignore this too. He could pretend he didn't hear Aleks. 

Then Aleks confessed everything that James had been feeling and whatever walls James had built were gone without a trace. Especially when he heard Aleks' voice breaking. With his own hands trembling, James remembered how he held Aleks and promised that he would stay. 

And he did. 

He couldn't help but smile as he remembered how they started. Both so desperate for one another but allowing their fear to come first. God, they were so stupid and so blind. At least that was what Brett said when they finally came forward to everyone after a month of dating. James remembered freaking out to tell everyone and Aleks was so carefree. Like, he's my boyfriend so deal. James remembered how a month later one weekend he bought all their friends pizza and beer as they helped move Aleks into James' house. No, their home. They all ate and drank way too much but James had never been happier. Never felt so complete. 

Now with his arms around Aleks on the couch, James could stop wondering and stop remembering. He had everything he wanted and he still wondered how it turned out so perfect. A harsh nudge to his ribs was enough to pull him out of his thoughts. "What the fuck was that for asshole?" He questioned, lips against Aleks' blond hair. 

"You weren't fucking answering me. Now, for the third fucking time. Do you want the wedding to be on the beach where you proposed?" 

Fuck, he was so in love.


End file.
